Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Regret the fear of...(A year and a bit on)

I wrote this a January 2009 on the Ranges Blog, it was a prayer::

I think the thing that cripples me the most in ministry is the whole idea of regret. Looking back over your shoulder and seeing a list of people who you have been in relationship and for some reason  they arent there anymore. For some reason there has been relationship breakdown, maybe difference of opinion, expectations not meet or  a host of other reasons.
Some of the people which have meant the most to me. They  have had at stages in there lives, successful ministries.  Yet there appears to be a large wake of broken people in their lives and I can tell there is regret. Regret in how they did things in which relationships were broken, and even in the extremes people turning their backs on Christianity.
Oh, I don’t want to go down this path.
I want to go down a different path were success doesn’t come with deaths by friendly fire.
It seems the path I must take is narrow. You have to trek carefully. You need to be truthful yet gentle. Truthful even to yourself. You call people because you care, not because it is strategic.  Trying to be honest to the call, restoring the broken. Trying to keep pieces together. I don’t want a career. I want the Kingdom to come.
I am reluctant, due to the fear of regret.
Lord hear my prayer.

Out of ministry has been good. There is a bit in me where I feel like I can love people for who they are. No secret agendas, (Maybe they would fit right in at church?). I also feel like I can peruse God in the direction I want to go, not tied to a denomination.
Its strange some people have kept in contact and other, not even at reply to emails. Yet more than ever I realise that title and position means a lot to people. There relationship to a person with a title or position gives them an understanding of where they fit in the Christian world. Maybe this is just nature of people.

Most importantly I think the prayer still rings true