Today on my way to lunch with our ward clerk and pharmacist out of the corner of my eye I spotted a clergyman who I knew. So I went over to the anteroom and said hello.
He looked up and through red eyes and replied. It was a river of confusion and pain. As he talked of illness, of which only he escaped in his family. Then he asked 'with all the prayer, why?'
I've seen a lot of sad, sad things. Nursing especially palliative care, you see people at the extremes. You get a peek at rawness that only sneaks up on most people half a dozen times in their lives. Yet todays experience shocked me, for I thought.
It could have been me.
For I have never since knowing the clergyman had the same passion, energy, desire. The same love for the 'flock'. Yet this had befallen him. Not me.
Latter in hindsight, talking it though with Christina, I wondered.
What if he had permission to give it all away. To walk from God and the unanswered prayer. To push in no further. Just to be angry. Sitting in the ashes.
2 comments:
He can walk away from God if he chooses - God wont stop him - plenty of people have done that. He can be angry with God for not answering his prayers - for letting his family suffer - he can sit in the ashes or yell and scream - that may be appropriate for awhile - God wont hold that against him. But in the end, when the tears have stopped flowing and the anger has burnt itself out - to whom shall he go - 'who else has the words, [and the gift], of eternal life'.
Hi Rob, and Kathie (who replied on facebook). The whole idea of 'permission to give it away', was very key to me. Can you with integrity, shepherding the flock have freedom to be angry? To shake your fist at God.
Not abandoning God. Maybe to deconstruct God, sack Jesus. Then start again. I'm sure the outcome of faith will have more authenticity, richness and a stronger faith then previously.
Post a Comment